I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
