Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
