Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
