I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
