Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If he isnโt into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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