Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
