You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
