I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
