Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?

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(616): View more from Michigan

Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

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(618): View more from Illinois

I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.

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