Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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