finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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