some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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