I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
