the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize