Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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