Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I want a musical about memes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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