He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
