By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
COCAINE IS GR8
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
