my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
