Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize