i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
