theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
