I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
