Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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