I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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