Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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