why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
