I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
