When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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