did you get engaged???
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
