Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
