i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
