I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
