so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
