this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
