So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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