Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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