SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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