It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
