You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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