I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
