Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
