This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
