he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
