She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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