There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
