ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
