I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
420 ftw
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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