i just wanna soil my oats bro
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
