i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
