found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
