My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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