college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
