You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
did you just send me my own nude
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
