Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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