i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
