Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there was a trapeze. enough said
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
