Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
