i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
