I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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