he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
