Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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