he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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