Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
